I Solemnly Swear That I am Up to No Good: ...
by Kimiko1
Summary: ...The Marauders and the Map - SLASH - Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs have a few tricks up their collective sleeves - tricks which spell trouble for Slytherin house, particularly Severus Snape.
1. Prologue: Owl Post

Title: Prologue: Owl Post  
Author: Kimiko  
Series: I Solemnly Swear That I am Up to No Good: The   
Marauders and the Map  
Fandom: Harry Potter  
Spoilers: PoA  
Warnings: Later parts will be slash.  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They belong to JK Rowling.   
She's a genius. She's a goddess. She doesn't mind   
fanfiction. :D  
Rating: PG  
  
Author's Note: This series IS going to get quite slashy.   
You might not want to start reading it if you have a   
problem with that. While the first couple of parts   
(excluding this prologue) can stand alone reasonably well,   
it's probably best to read them all in order.  
  
~HAJIME~  
  
August was one of Remus Lupin's least favourite months. The   
other, of course, was July. It wasn't that he hated hot   
weather, or that he loved school; it was because, during   
the summer holidays, he generally had to go through his   
transformations alone. At the school, his three best   
friends were there with him, ready to save him from himself   
when the moon was full. But in the summer they were apart,   
and his parents had to lock him in the basement, where he   
would bite and scratch himself - where he would pace,   
sleepless, until the moon sank from the sky.  
  
He had just been let out, the sky turning pink and gold   
with the first rays of dawn, when James' owl reached him.  
  
Moony,  
Looking forward to having you here next week. Can't   
wait to see you! Padfoot's here already, arrived last   
night, and he says he's got a plan to get Snape back for   
sneaking around like he does -  
  
Remus frowned. Severus Snape would find them out one of   
these times, if they weren't careful - but they were   
careful, always. It was more likely that Sirius would get   
them into trouble with his antics. Still, Snape did usually   
deserve to be taken down a peg or two. He read on -  
  
We'll meet you at Gringott's on the fifteenth, if you   
can. Owl us and let us know if you can make it. Wormtail's   
going to be there, too.  
Prongs  
  
Apparently James wasn't going to tell him what Sirius' plan   
was. He turned to the second note.  
  
Moony,  
Just got to Prongs' place last night and we've had a   
time exploring the area! Too bad you couldn't come earlier;   
you'd like it here. We're all meeting at Gringott's on   
Friday - that is, if you can come. Don't forget to bring   
the map with you; we'll need it this year!  
Padfoot  
  
So Sirius' plan was going to involve the map. This told him   
nothing; Sirius' plans always involved the map. It was a   
fair bet that Sirius' plans would involve the map when he   
was seventy. In fact, a good portion of Remus' plans   
involved the map as well; the map was just so damned   
*useful*.  
  
He folded the notes and placed them in his desk drawer.   
"Mum!" Remus called. "I'm meeting James and the others in   
Diagon Alley on Friday!"  
  
"All right, dear," his mother replied, sounding drained.   
Remus resolved guiltily to do something nice for her today;   
she could never sleep when the moon was full, too worried   
about her only son. He picked up his quill to answer his   
notes.  
  
Padfoot and Prongs,  
I'll be there on Friday. Mum said I could stay this   
year since the moon phase is right, if you'll have me.  
Moony  
  
He gave the note to James' owl, who was looking a bit   
sleepy, and sent him off.  
  
~TSUZUKU~  



	2. Chapter 1: The Boggart Blunder part 1

Warnings: Slight slashy content begins in this  
installment. Don't like it? Don't read.  
Disclaimer: Not mine, JKR's. She's a genius. She's a  
goddess. She doesn't mind fanfiction. ^_^V  
  
A/N: I had meant for Chapter 1 to be a one-shot, but it  
appears it's going to have to come in parts, or it would  
be months between updates. This fic has snowballed on me  
and is going to end up much longer than I had anticipated.  
Thank you all for your reviews, and those of you who did  
not review, thank you for reading. To Mordor: Chill, dearie  
- the slash hasn't even started yet. It's all good.  
  
~TSUZUKU~  
  
Gringotts was a huge white building, much taller than the   
shops up and down Diagon Alley. On its steps sat three   
teenage boys, eating ice cream and talking about   
broomsticks. One of them happened to glance to his left,   
spotting Remus in the crowd.  
  
"Moony!" he cried. Remus felt his heart give a funny lurch  
as he met the boy's eyes. "It's about time you got here!"  
  
Remus grinned. "No time was specified, Padfoot. It's still  
Friday, isn't it? Hi Prongs, Wormtail."  
  
"Hi Moony," replied James and Peter.  
  
The four of them went into Gringotts and took money out of   
their vaults.  
  
"Where shall we go first?" Sirius asked, rubbing his hands   
together. "Flourish and Blotts for our schoolbooks? - and   
later we could hit the Magical Menagerie..." There was a   
glint in his eye that promised mayhem. Remus had learned to   
both love and loathe that glint.  
  
"Why are we going to the Menagerie?" he asked warily.  
  
Sirius winked conspiratorially. "It's all part of my plan,"   
he said.  
  
"Of course." Remus paused. "But what exactly *is* this   
plan?"  
  
"You'll see," was all Sirius would say.  
  
James rolled his eyes. "I definitely think we should go the   
the Menagerie last. I don't want to be lugging whatever   
Padfoot wants us to buy round to all the shops all day;   
someone might see us with it."  
  
"Good point," said Peter. "Incriminating evidence and all   
that rot."  
  
"Exactly," said Sirius. He set off toward Flourish and   
Blotts, and the others followed. It was a simple task to   
find their textbooks; they only needed _The Standard Book  
of Spells, Grade 6_ and a _Supplemental Text for Advanced  
Potions Study_. They stood in queue for no less than  
fifteen minutes, paid, and headed to the Leaky Cauldron for  
a bite.  
  
When they had eaten, they headed down the street to the   
Apothecary for their Potions supplies and then to the   
Magical Menagerie.  
  
"All right, Padfoot," said Remus at length, "what are we   
buying?"  
  
Sirius gestured them all in closer. "A boggart," he   
whispered.  
  
"A which?" asked Peter.  
  
Sirius' eyes were dancing, making him look very nice  
indeed. "It's a shapeshifter that takes the form of your  
worst fear when you confront it."  
  
"What are we meant to do with *that*?" James asked.  
  
"We are meant," Sirius replied, "to smuggle it to school   
and put it under Snape's bed."  
  
"Brilliant!" said Peter. "Absolutely fucking smashing!"  
  
"I don't know about all that," said Remus. "How are we  
going to get it there?"  
  
"'How are we going to get it to Hogwarts' or 'how are we   
going to get it under Snape's bed'?" asked Sirius.  
  
Remus pondered. "Well, both, really."  
  
"They're not all that large," said Sirius. "I thought we   
could bring it in someone's trunk, and he could put his   
things in with the rest of ours; then we could keep it in  
a disused closet somewhere when we'd got to school."  
  
"All right," said James. "And then...?"  
  
"And then..." said Sirius, pausing dramatically. "We come   
up with a plan as to how to get it under Snape's bed."  
  
Remus groaned. "How if we can't think of a way?"  
  
"We'll think of something," said Peter, trying to sound   
confident.  
  
"I'm sure we will," said Sirius. "We always do."  
  
The witch running the counter seemed a bit reluctant to  
sell a boggart to four teenagers.  
  
"Certainly not! Out of the question!"  
  
Particularly when they hadn't got a permit.  
  
"If you've nothing to do but hang about demanding to  
purchase restricted Dark creatures, you're not welcome  
in my shop! Out!"  
  
They scampered.  
  
"*Beauty* of a plan, Padfoot," said Remus. "Now what  
d'you suggest we do?"  
  
"No problem," said Sirius. "We can get a boggart down  
Knockturn Alley."  
  
"Oh, nice," said Remus sarcastically. "You know we're  
not allowed."  
  
"What choice have we got, though?" James said.  
  
"None," said Peter, grinning excitedly.  
  
"Technically," Remus pointed out, "we could drop the  
plan."  
  
"No we couldn't!" said Sirius and Peter together.  
  
"All right," said Remus, resigned. Glancing about  
furtively, the four of them took the proper  
combination of turns to bring them to Knockturn  
Alley. Sirius steered them unerringly toward a rather  
unobtrusive shop called Bernie's Quality Magical  
Beasts for All Occasions.  
  
"Why do I get the feeling he's been here before?"  
whispered Remus to James, who replied -  
  
"Shh!"  
  
Sirius pushed open the door, causing the bells  
suspended from it to sing ("Customers!") in high,  
cheery voices. "Bernie!" he called. "Hey, Bern!"  
  
"Oh gods," Remus groaned under his breath.  
  
A short, squat witch with scruffy gray hair and a  
shifty look about her appeared through a door at the  
back of the shop. "Wot's the racket?" she demanded,  
kicking at something moving behind the door, which she  
was struggling to close.  
  
"It's just me," said Sirius. Here Remus cleared his  
throat. "And a few friends," Sirius hastily added.  
"Have you got any boggarts this week?"  
  
Bernie eyed him suspiciously. "Wot d'you want 'em  
for?"  
  
"Ah..." Sirius glanced around the empty shop, as if to  
check that no one was listening. "We're planning a  
surprise for an acquaintance of ours."  
  
Bernie screwed up her face, and her round little body  
began shaking as a rasping sound issued from her open  
mouth. It took Remus a moment to realise she was  
chuckling appreciatively. "Shore 'ave, they're in th'  
back. I tell yer, chaps, I wouldn' wanna be th' bloke  
'oo got on Black's bad side, wot! Three Galleons an  
'ead."  
  
"We just need the one," said James.  
  
"Righty-o," she muttered to herself, seizing a  
knobby stick from beside the door. "I say! Back,  
there! Gerroff!" she could be heard to shout, her  
words punctuated by thuds and yelps.  
  
"Why's she called Bernie?" asked Peter.  
  
"Her name's Bernadette," said Sirius, "but she hates it  
- says it sounds too girly."  
  
But Remus wasn't really paying attention; he was much  
too busy noticing the various creatures scattered  
haphazardly around the shop, some in cages, some not.  
Obviously the more dangerous specimens were in the back;  
but the walls were lined with Fwoopers on perches, hives  
of Glumbumbles, cages full of Crup puppies, glass  
terrariums containing Mokes and even some Nifflers  
tethered in the shadows. Remus had never seen some of  
the beasts in the wall cages; he had no idea what they  
were.  
  
"...hope she comes back soon," James was saying. "I'm not  
sure I like the way that Occamy is looking at me." Remus  
followed his gaze to see a large, snakelike thing -  
perhaps ten feet long - with high plumes on its head; it  
was glaring at James, hissing, and raising its wings  
menacingly.  
  
At that moment, the door in back banged open. "Stay!  
*STAY!*" Bernie was commanding; something large and furry  
was attempting to squeeze an appendage through the door.  
She whacked it with the stick; the appendage was snatched  
back in; the door slammed shut; and Bernie collapsed  
against it, panting. In her arms was a largish wooden box.  
  
"You said three Galleons?" James asked.  
  
"I did," Bernie replied, heading for her counter. The box  
began to wobble in her arms, as if something were banging  
around inside it; it was emitting muffled thuds. Bernie  
gave it a sharp whack, and it desisted. "Temp'ramental  
little blighters, wot," she muttered. "Don't like bein'  
carted about."  
  
Remus and James exchanged glances; this did not bode well  
for Sirius' plan.  
  
Sirius himself, however, was gleefully extracting coins  
from his money bag and counting them into Bernie's hand.  
"Great," he was saying, "wonderful." Peter was at his  
elbow, eyes shining, as he tried to peer through a tiny  
crack in the box.  
  
"I wouldn' do that, my lad," said Bernie sharply. "Let it  
alone - it don't like bein' bothered." The box had begun  
to wobble and thud again, and Peter drew back hastily.  
  
"Anyfing else for you chaps today?" asked Bernie at length,  
having carefully counted their Knuts and Sickles.  
  
"No," said Remus, rather hastily scooping up the box.  
"We'll just be on our way. Thank you." He shot a look at  
James, cocking his head toward Peter and all but dragging  
Sirius to the door. James, cottoning on instantly, did much  
the same to Peter.  
  
When they were outside, Remus unceremoniously shoved the  
box at Sirius and gave him his best glower. "What  
business," he demanded, "could you have *possibly* had  
*before* now in *KNOCKTURN ALLEY*?"  
  
Sirius shrugged as best he could with a shuddering box of  
boggart in his arms. "Oh, you know," he said airily,  
"various sorts - but that's neither here nor there..."  
  
Remus looked heavenward. "You're going to get yourself into  
a lot of trouble someday, Padfoot. You do know that."  
  
Sirius laughed. "Of course!" He started back toward  
Diagon Alley, and his friends hastened to keep up.  
  
~TSUZUKU~ 


End file.
